Grownups Talking
This week has been a countdown. Next week, Henry starts at his new Big Boy School. He knows there is a big playground, there will be lots of kids, he will have his own cubby, and he can bring any blanket he wants from home for naps. This morning, I packed him off to Allison's with cupcakes to share, and at pickup we'll give her a present: a soldered tin sparrow wrapped in pretty paper.
I was ready for some parts of this. Parenting. I knew what to expect, the lack of sleep, the anxiety about food, the expense of it all. But this week I'm discovering how Henry's relationships have affected me, how the people who come into his life have entered mine, and how, when it's time to move on to the next stage, it hurts to let them go.
I think about the midwives I saw when I was pregnant. They talked to me about their own pregnancies, their children, they let me in. They comforted me when I couldn't stop sobbing at 41 weeks. They visited me after Henry was born, marveled over how long he was, and then they disappeared. It was the nature of the relationship, it was time-limited, as Henry moved on and moved ahead, I went with him and together we left them behind.
There have been so many of these - the ECFE moms, the Musikgarten parents, the young residents who've moved through our pediatrician's office. We part with warm goodbyes, maybe we will meet again, or maybe not. We knew the terms when we started, it's sad but fair, and it's to be expected. Henry is a rolling stone, casual and unconcerned with attachments. His life is an endless parade of brand new people; he loves them and leaves them and bears no regrets. I'm different. I get attached.
For two years, Henry has spent his days at Allison's house. She has become part of our lives, our family in ways I can't describe. We have more than a business relationship; I would say we're friends, but friendship would be about us and this is something different. Our relationship centers on Henry and spins around him in a way that's pulled us both in.
Yesterday at pickup, she ruffled his curls. She let her hand linger an extra moment and said, "This one will be hard." It will be.
I was ready for some parts of this. Parenting. I knew what to expect, the lack of sleep, the anxiety about food, the expense of it all. But this week I'm discovering how Henry's relationships have affected me, how the people who come into his life have entered mine, and how, when it's time to move on to the next stage, it hurts to let them go.
I think about the midwives I saw when I was pregnant. They talked to me about their own pregnancies, their children, they let me in. They comforted me when I couldn't stop sobbing at 41 weeks. They visited me after Henry was born, marveled over how long he was, and then they disappeared. It was the nature of the relationship, it was time-limited, as Henry moved on and moved ahead, I went with him and together we left them behind.
There have been so many of these - the ECFE moms, the Musikgarten parents, the young residents who've moved through our pediatrician's office. We part with warm goodbyes, maybe we will meet again, or maybe not. We knew the terms when we started, it's sad but fair, and it's to be expected. Henry is a rolling stone, casual and unconcerned with attachments. His life is an endless parade of brand new people; he loves them and leaves them and bears no regrets. I'm different. I get attached.
For two years, Henry has spent his days at Allison's house. She has become part of our lives, our family in ways I can't describe. We have more than a business relationship; I would say we're friends, but friendship would be about us and this is something different. Our relationship centers on Henry and spins around him in a way that's pulled us both in.
Yesterday at pickup, she ruffled his curls. She let her hand linger an extra moment and said, "This one will be hard." It will be.
posted by mrotzie at 8:24 AM
3 Comments:
Well said.
And...Spence is super excited to play with Henry all day!
Great!
hey - I've dropped off reading since I lost my links. I love your writing so very much....more hanging out, please?
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